Not Your Fault, Love
by ererilover
Summary: Humanity has won the battle, titans have almsot been fully exterminated. Almost. With Wall Shinganshina and Maria back up, until the end of the giant vermon, humanity declares that protocol be fufilled. This, meaning, the titan-shifters be demolished as well. After word of this traveled, what does this mean for the young boy Eren and his lover Levi ? Whats sure to be the outcome?


Breathing lightly, I feel him shiver as I press my lips against his neck. I hover over the area, memorizing or erasing the view of the tanned skin before me I don't know. _I can't start to remember now. I shouldn't. _ _I'll end up doing something rash. _ The silence that followed was bittersweet. Closing my eyes I can't help but listen to the breath that would, under normal circumstances, soothe me. _Damn it._ '_**You know, it's been decided.' **_Peeling my fingers away from his back, I can't make myself meet his eyes. I let go fully, feeling the boy's body shudder from the loss of contact. '_**A pity really, he's so young.'**_ _Damn it. _ The boy reluctantly lets go of me as well, though painfully slow. "You know"- I swiftly turn my head in the direction of the boy, mustering up my filthiest glare. Of course it couldn't be directed towards him personally. It was the rage I held for the people, everyone, for the whole damn world. _This is bullshit._ Unfortunately the boy knew this fact and doesn't move a finger, just continues to spill words from his mouth. "I really appreciate what you've done for me. You treated me like a human even though I'm a monster" _No. Don't give me this shit. _"You always defended me. I would do anything to keep that trust." _Why? _ _Whyare you spouting nonsense? _

The boy begins to kneel in front of me, head down. "Thank you for loving me, even if it wasn't real" _Where would you get that ide-_ _Oh._ Those damned military police: saying whatever they wanted to_. How many times have I said those assuring words? Did you doubt me?_ "Corporal, this-" _I don't want some heroic speech. Why aren't you mad? You don't deserve this._ '_**I guess it's because of the fear. People don't like living with what they don't understand; and that's what causes fear.' **_By now I'm drowning out the boy's talk. _No._ I should at least memorize these words. At least have accurate nightmares. "..'m sorry. I'm so sorry Corporal." '_**Levi, everyone agreed that you should do it, even the boy said so.'**_ _Shit. _ _I should say some consoling words. _ Try to cheer the damn brat up. _But what words could save him now?_ "I know we made plans to see the ocean together. I apologize for my silly dream. It really was naive to think of a future for someone like me." _Why do you accept this?_ _Where is the stubborn brat that was oh-so determined to kill all the titans?_ _Why don't you do something rash? By now I would have gladly gone with you somewhere._ _We could've gone away._ "Tch" _Fucking stupid._ The boy hesitantly raises his head to the commanding officer above him, somewhat shocked. "Corporal, don't cry! Humanity is safe now! You've won!" _You've._ _You helped _too _you know._ _You are _human. _You're - _"Well, after this." he finished with a whisper. Seething with irritation and partial rage from the comment, I stare down the boy only to be met with gentle eyes.

I can't feel my face at all and I really don't care. These are his last moments and I'm the one who has to take his life. '_**This is an order'**_. As a soldier I have a mission, and I will damn well finish it. That was the promise I made when I joined the Scouting Legion. '_This is an order'._ Jaeger understands this, from what he's told me. _I'm stalling._ The thought '_for his sake_' jumble around a few times, and I can almost laugh at the irony. _For _his _sake? No, 'for _his _sake' would be trying to save his sorry ass from this predicament, not waiting out the inevitable_.

x

I feel like I've been crouching here for hours, but its barely been minutes. These last few days with Corporal Levi have been the same and I thank him for that. I couldn't bare it if he started looking at me like a monster now. He was the only one left who wasn't scared of me. I left the task of taking care of Mikasa to Armin. I mean, at least they'll be able to have each other right? She doesn't even know yet, but I left a note saying that I wanted this. I don't want her bugging the Corporal anymore than she already does. I truly love Corporal Levi. Somehow he would always intrude my thoughts, and just as easily my heart. I was selfish for pushing my love onto him. I knew I was a monster, that this day might come. I guess I was just hoping it wouldnt. I just-I don't think i could stand waiting another minute. The longer we stay like this, the more pain I'm putting him in. I hate that I'm the source of that pain. I'm getting sadder by the second, knowing that the one I love- I _need_\- is standing so close but so far away. Knowing that I will no longer be able to grasp those slender fingers, run my hands on his almost pale skin, feel the heat from his arms after a night of pleasure, hear his silky voice utter my name so sensually- I _can't do this anymore. _ This needs to hurry before I lose it and run away with him. I really wanted to at first, but that would mean taking him away from humanity which he has fought for for years. I want him to be happy, he deserves a normal life. He's never had one, and this is his chance. _This waiting needs to end._ This is my decision. _This is for you._ I suck in my breath. "Any longer and I'll turn into a titan, Corporal."

x

"Any longer and I'll turn into a titan, Corporal." Did he just? I search his eyes for uncertainty, lies, empty threats but I can find no such thing. I instead found the pure determination that I could no longer detect since he heard the news. This brat's serious. "I might lose control and I don't know what I'll do." The boy now has tears pouring down his face, forming a puddle near his knees. He is actually threatening me. His life or the one's in town. If he went berserk I would have to kill the titan form with no hesitation, and if not me then someone else. _Shit._ I reach for my swords- or, more precisely, fumbled. _For Fuck's Sake_. Why is my body reacting like this? My arms feel like dead-weights and my muscles won't move the way I want them too. I inhale a shaky breath as I raise my swords to touch the brats neck. My mind's a blank and I can't differentiate reality anymore. I no longer see the boy in front of me because my vision is blurry. I wonder what face he's making right now. I blink to clear my sight, only for a second round of tears to be replaced. I can recall every inch of his skin- _Oh so many times I've lusted after it_\- theres not a detail about this boy that i can forget. "Corporal-" "Jaeger I swear to God if you don't shut up I'll-" _What?I'll _what_? Kill the poor boy?_ I scoff at the irony. When I can fully see the boys face I raise my blade. This face will be the one to haunt me, and I deserve it for what I'm about to do. "I love you with my whole being" the boy said weakly. _No._ As my body moves against my command, my arms are being raised higher and sentences compete to form whole thoughts. _What can I do- Why can't I say anything- At least let me say something- comfort him-show him- Oh god- anything- Please._ As if at once, my arm sweeps towards the boys neck- face contorted to a heavy hearted smile and too soon a muffled "I love you". _Shit._ "Rivail-".

Although there is silence surrounding me, my mind instantly begins to race with words. I couldn't make out who was saying what. '_**I'm sorry for this levi.**_ \- oh. _**You really**_\- _Oh_\- _**him.**_ _**I'm'**_\- _Irvin_. _No amount of apologies could help me now. Nothing can console me but the boy whom I've lost._ My thoughts continued until it reached a focused memory. _That smile. _ That damned smile he wore as I swung my blades across his throat. _Why? 'Humanity Won', yay. I should be happy._ All I wanted was this damned boy in front of me. Even if I couldn't have him I should have at least saved him. One fucking thing. His eyes that showed practically everything he felt. His hands that cupped mine perfectly. His warmth that held me every night. His lips that would hungrily seek mine, and other times connect delicately as if I would break under his strength. The way his body would conform to mine and wither in pleasure. The blush that crept upon his face with every gaze after. At this point I can make out an unsounded screeching. _I love you. _ Did I ever say it enough? _I love you. _ When was the last time? _I _love _you._ You'd say it all the time. _I love you. _ Why didn't I say it just now? _I love you._ I tilt my head towards the sky. _Shit._ By now I can make out the origin of the sound-myself. _The ocean huh? _I shielded my eyes with my arm. '_**It was a risk'. **__Yes, Irvin, it _was _a risk._ A risk that my heart had already taken. I repress my voice until barely audible, cracking, even.

"Eren".


End file.
